Fat is disgusting!

I hate the word fat, I think it if the worse thing to be called, worse than slut, c*nt, whore worse than everything... does that make me weird? I get so angry when my sisters call someone in the street fat, or say rude things about them because of their size and what they are wearing. They tell me to shut up that is what everyone does. I know that. I know that's how everyone thinks, that why I do what I do. Cause I know when people look at me they think I am fat and disgusting. I know when people see me they laugh and say how ugly I am. I just want to be difference, I want to be pretty and wanted. I want to be thin.

Breakfast: apple = 80 calories

Lunch: Snack a Jacks = 108 calories

Dinner: none = 0 calories

Snacks: chicken balls = 200 calories?

Total = 388 calories

I am such a fat big was! I was making a batch of chicken balls for M to put in the freezer and big fat me couldn't stop eating them. I think it was more just over 100 calories but have put 200 cause I want to be safe with my count. Didn't have dinner cause I had been such a pig!

Only 1.5 more days till way in, I'm stressing. I HATE not having the same scales. What if I've put on weight? What if I've lost weight but I haven't really lost weight cause it's just cause the scales are different?

I need to drink loads more water, my skin is so dry! It always is when we come to the house in Oslo but this time it is so much worse.

Going to try and be stronger tomorrow. It's times like this when I wish people, well not even people just someone read this to help me keep going and be strong.