Under 600 :)

YAY after last nights very bad (but tasty) cupcake I have done my under 600 cals today coming in at 524 but actually think I over estimated some of it so definately under the 600 today. Went to the gym on the way home and did an aqua aerobics class which supposedly burns off around 315 calories (was only a 45 minute class).

Not looking foward to weigh in tomorrow morning. Got everything crossed.

Damn Eggs

I hate 2 Easter Eggs today, yes they were really small but still shouldn't of had them. GRRR!

I have absolutely no energy to write tonight. 

Breakfast: apple 80 calories

Lunch: Snack a Jacks 108 calories

Dinner: Toast 90 calories

Snacks: 2 easter eggs 200 calories. 

I'm going with 200, 100 cals each but I think they were only worth about half that they were only small, just want to be on the safe side though.

Total = 478 calories

Went for a long trek through the woods for 1 hour and 40 minutes... was aiming to walk for 2hrs but the track I was going on was still quite icey so had to turn around and come back.

Also did my 100 laps in the pool. 

All in all not a hugely bad day. Could have been heaps better without the eggs, I hope everyone else finishes them at dinner tonight.

Such a rubbish post, but I just can't be bothered!

Fat is disgusting!

I hate the word fat, I think it if the worse thing to be called, worse than slut, c*nt, whore worse than everything... does that make me weird? I get so angry when my sisters call someone in the street fat, or say rude things about them because of their size and what they are wearing. They tell me to shut up that is what everyone does. I know that. I know that's how everyone thinks, that why I do what I do. Cause I know when people look at me they think I am fat and disgusting. I know when people see me they laugh and say how ugly I am. I just want to be difference, I want to be pretty and wanted. I want to be thin.

Breakfast: apple = 80 calories

Lunch: Snack a Jacks = 108 calories

Dinner: none = 0 calories

Snacks: chicken balls = 200 calories?

Total = 388 calories

I am such a fat big was! I was making a batch of chicken balls for M to put in the freezer and big fat me couldn't stop eating them. I think it was more just over 100 calories but have put 200 cause I want to be safe with my count. Didn't have dinner cause I had been such a pig!

Only 1.5 more days till way in, I'm stressing. I HATE not having the same scales. What if I've put on weight? What if I've lost weight but I haven't really lost weight cause it's just cause the scales are different?

I need to drink loads more water, my skin is so dry! It always is when we come to the house in Oslo but this time it is so much worse.

Going to try and be stronger tomorrow. It's times like this when I wish people, well not even people just someone read this to help me keep going and be strong.

Freaking out about weigh in.

I'm so worried about weighing myself, I know it isn't for another 3.5 days but I'm freaking out! I used to be on the scales every day, more like 2-4 times a day just checking the damage I had done, calming down when I hadn't gained. But now I just get so scared to get on, I know the number will have gone up this week. I've been terrible. I hate it.

Breakfast: apple = 80 calories

Lunch: Snack a Jacks = 108 calories

Dinner: Chicken wrap (1/4 - 1/2 chicken breast depending how good or bad I've been for the day, some onion, a squirt of BBQ sauce on a white tortilla wrap) = 250 calories

Snacks: Rusks = 57 calories

3x strawberry lollies = 28.5

Total = 523.50 calories

How am I ever going to loose weight eating like that? I hate it. 

On the plus side I wasn't such a lazy cow today. Went for about a 40 minute walk had some hills and for half of it was carrying my charge on my back who is 12kg. Also did 100 laps in the pool, which doesn't really count as 100 cause the pool is not huge but some exercise is better than the none I did yesterday.

I was supposed to email my shrink a few weeks ago. Keep on putting it off, don't know what to tell her, I'm trying hard to loose weight but am still a big fat pig so nothing to worry about?!?!

Feeding Frenzy

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! This is what I do. I am so good until I have to break and then I just can't stop eating. I have eaten pretty much everything in site today, I feel disgusting.

I start again tomorrow. I won't be able to go as good as I was last week cause I'll be in Norway for work with a boss that insists everyone sit down for a family dinner. Very annoying. But I am hoping to have apple for breakfast and lunch and then a chicken wrap for dinner which I can do every night cause she knows I'm a very fussy eater. So even eating all that it should still bring me under 800 calories a day plus with the indoor swimming pool I will be exercising EVERY night which I wasn't doing last week so maybe it won't be so bad.  Fingers crossed anyway.

Hopefully over the weekend I will be able to blog lots of thinspo cause I'm taking my laptop with me, hopefully it will connect to the internet, it didn't last time.

I'm going to be strong... my goal for the 2 weeks I'm away is to be strong, not perfect but strong. I know I can do it. And I think knowing I am going to write about it on here will help, even though no one is reading one day someone might and knowing that it will keep me on track.

I will be strong!