Watch me Shrink

I haven't done a blog in such a long time, life has been very busy, mostly fun, lots of adventures and distractions but with that came a lot of weight gain. And I really can't stand it anymore. The last straight was going out for my birthday last night and my favourite dress was tight I was mortified and nearly broke down crying but obviously had to keep it together so my friends don't think I'm completely crazy. So it starts again, my blog, my diets, my weighing, my shrinking....

I will hopefully be getting more time over the next two weeks to blog before I have to go away for a week for work. So my diet needs to be perfect for two weeks to hopefully maintain for the week I'm away and then continue losing again on return.

I am considering posting my weight as an extreme measure of just how disgusting I have got and so I can show everyone the numbers going down down down but I'm not sure if I'm brave enough cause it is the most I've been in such a long time. We will see.

Off for a run and need to take my measurement :(

Stay strong.

3 months down

So I've been back in London for just over three months. All started out great, it cut out my pretty much daily cutting and vomiting out cause I just couldn't do it ( work was busy, plus I'm a live in nanny nada we travel a lot and I could never expose the children to that if for some crazy reason they happened to find out. So it was brilliant for about a month, now it's going down hill again. Nothing has changed, just my thinking. I've started cutting again, although not nearly as much as I feel the need to.

I've hit very annoying maintaining with my weight. I put on when I came over then got myself under control and am smaller than when I left Australia but now I'm staying the same (this week I think I've gained but too scared to look). The last few weeks I can't stop eating, I hate it and it makes me want to cut even more. I'm so close to my first goal weight I just don't want to ruin it, but the fat failure that I am I probably will. I get officially weighed on Wednesday so now where I sit, hopefully I haven't gained but will get back on track and lose lose lose!

I just want to cry when I look in the mirror, well not even look in the mirror just when the thought of me crosses my mind.

I hate it! I hate me so so much!