So I've been back in London for just over three months. All started out great, it cut out my pretty much daily cutting and vomiting out cause I just couldn't do it ( work was busy, plus I'm a live in nanny nada we travel a lot and I could never expose the children to that if for some crazy reason they happened to find out. So it was brilliant for about a month, now it's going down hill again. Nothing has changed, just my thinking. I've started cutting again, although not nearly as much as I feel the need to.
I've hit very annoying maintaining with my weight. I put on when I came over then got myself under control and am smaller than when I left Australia but now I'm staying the same (this week I think I've gained but too scared to look). The last few weeks I can't stop eating, I hate it and it makes me want to cut even more. I'm so close to my first goal weight I just don't want to ruin it, but the fat failure that I am I probably will. I get officially weighed on Wednesday so now where I sit, hopefully I haven't gained but will get back on track and lose lose lose!
I just want to cry when I look in the mirror, well not even look in the mirror just when the thought of me crosses my mind.
I hate it! I hate me so so much!
Back in London, EXCELLENT! YAY for Londoners. :) I found it exceptionally difficult when I was a live-in, because there is just food around all the time and if you don't eat at meal times, it is noticed. It was like living at home again. God. Awful, I'd say, but on the plus side, the mindless eating will become less I suppose, because the embarassment of public eating is too greaat. It's a bit of both I suppose. ANYWAy. Good luck lady, I'm here if you need me! Xo
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