Watch me Shrink

I haven't done a blog in such a long time, life has been very busy, mostly fun, lots of adventures and distractions but with that came a lot of weight gain. And I really can't stand it anymore. The last straight was going out for my birthday last night and my favourite dress was tight I was mortified and nearly broke down crying but obviously had to keep it together so my friends don't think I'm completely crazy. So it starts again, my blog, my diets, my weighing, my shrinking....

I will hopefully be getting more time over the next two weeks to blog before I have to go away for a week for work. So my diet needs to be perfect for two weeks to hopefully maintain for the week I'm away and then continue losing again on return.

I am considering posting my weight as an extreme measure of just how disgusting I have got and so I can show everyone the numbers going down down down but I'm not sure if I'm brave enough cause it is the most I've been in such a long time. We will see.

Off for a run and need to take my measurement :(

Stay strong.

Offered my old job back.

My ex boss (from London) rang last night, wants me to go back. She's not happy with the new nanny, as she said it I was super excited, but now the more I think about it the more unsure I am. I don't know what to do.
I know if I stay here, things won't improve, well not for a long while, at least until my shrink talks me into starting the medication she has been trying to convince me to start for the last two sessions. But if I go I won't have my doctor incase things to get even worse than they are now. I have been the worst I have been in years, and I don't know what to do. I'm also confused about the job, my boss mentioned until December that I would come back (for a working holiday I already have booked in) but not sure if it was do that holiday and then go back to London or if it was do holiday then stay in Australia and she'll find someone else. I'm just so confused about everything, and the worst part is I sort of need to give her an answer cause if I want to do it I need to be back in London for the 12th July!!! I will talk to my shrink about it on Monday but if I decide to go that will be my last appointment with her cause then she goes on holiday on the Wednesday.

It would just be so much easier to have none of this, no options. Just easier if I wasn't here.

Giving up laxatives!

I really need to remember why I started this blog (how many times have I said that?) I started it to keep myself honest to track my progress and to get all this shit out of my head and I need to get back to that. Things are just out of control with my eating. My goal this week is to give up laxatives, I'm using them more and have to take more and more each time to get them to work, so what I want to do is to STOP. Take them at the absolute most once a week instead of the nearly every day I've been doing for the last month. I need to do this or I am going to screw up my body, well more so than it already is.

I'm also going back to writing everything down for my daily intake. I decided about a month ago (ish) to work in net which I never did before but I quite like it.

Breakfast: nothing (0)

Lunch: nothing (0)

Dinner: nothing (0)

Snacks: nothing (0)

Exercise: 1hr on treadmill walking/running and 15 mins on bike (616)

Total: -616