Home from Fiji. The trip was alright, I ate too much, put on A LOT of weight but now I'm home and getting rid of it again. Lost 1.2kg in the 2 days I've been home so all I need to do is keep going. I can't be this fat forever.
I didn't exercise when we were away so that was like a two week break on my knee but 5 mins into my run yesterday and it was hurting again. grrr! I suppose I should get it checked out. I'm running again today, I'll just have to suck it up.
I was going to post a photo but after seeing some go up on facebook I am to mortified to do it fingers crossed the professional ones are better.
Tuesday 30 April 2013
Monday 15 April 2013
I'm off.
I'm not sure what the wifi situation is going to be like in Fiji so this will probably be my last blog for a couple of weeks. I've got everything crossed that I don't put on too much weight I'm so scared about it but just need to remember this holiday isn't about me so need to try and keep all my feelings to myself so I don't ruin it for everyone else.
Had the question of how old I was in comments. I'm 26. Very depressing 10 years on and I'm still trying to get rid of this fat that is my body. It's pathetic. I hate it.
Had the question of how old I was in comments. I'm 26. Very depressing 10 years on and I'm still trying to get rid of this fat that is my body. It's pathetic. I hate it.
Saturday 13 April 2013
'You have to stop losing weight'
There are only two days until we leave for Fiji, head of early Wednesday morning. I know it's bad cause it's my sisters wedding and all but I wish I didn't have to go. I'm so worried about all the food I'm going to have to eat and the exercise I won't be able to do.
We had L's hens night yesterday. It was really an all day thing, we started off in the morning with all the bridesmaids and mum going for a spa morning with facials, massages, nails etc then we came home and got ready and a stretch hummer picked us up and tooks us into the city for high tea then we all came back to party after with lots of cocktails and stripper and a big bungee run. The bungee run was so much fun.
I actually kept some sort of self control of my fat self at high tea and had 1 and a half finger sandwiches and half a mini cupcake but when I got back i started drinking some cocktails and eating the biscuits and dip, twice I disappeared to the bathroom to vomit and just couldn't handle it I couldn't keep it inside me. Then I took a handful of laxatives when i went to bed just to make sure.
The best bit about the party was people saying I was looking very thin. People saying I can't lose more weight that I must stop dieting after the wedding. Yah right. I know they were all just talking crap but it still gave me a bit of a high to hear. I was just like oh yah I'm not losing more weight I was just getting fit for the wedding blah blah blah. Trying to give off the healthy/not crazy persona while thinking in my head I've barely started I've got so much more fat to get rid of.
I saw my shrink on Friday she wants me to start on medication again straight away, a different one this time. I'm supposed to email her Monday to tell her how I'm going on it but I haven't started taking it yet.
We had L's hens night yesterday. It was really an all day thing, we started off in the morning with all the bridesmaids and mum going for a spa morning with facials, massages, nails etc then we came home and got ready and a stretch hummer picked us up and tooks us into the city for high tea then we all came back to party after with lots of cocktails and stripper and a big bungee run. The bungee run was so much fun.
I actually kept some sort of self control of my fat self at high tea and had 1 and a half finger sandwiches and half a mini cupcake but when I got back i started drinking some cocktails and eating the biscuits and dip, twice I disappeared to the bathroom to vomit and just couldn't handle it I couldn't keep it inside me. Then I took a handful of laxatives when i went to bed just to make sure.
The best bit about the party was people saying I was looking very thin. People saying I can't lose more weight that I must stop dieting after the wedding. Yah right. I know they were all just talking crap but it still gave me a bit of a high to hear. I was just like oh yah I'm not losing more weight I was just getting fit for the wedding blah blah blah. Trying to give off the healthy/not crazy persona while thinking in my head I've barely started I've got so much more fat to get rid of.
I saw my shrink on Friday she wants me to start on medication again straight away, a different one this time. I'm supposed to email her Monday to tell her how I'm going on it but I haven't started taking it yet.
Monday 8 April 2013
100+ followers
Woo hoo over 100 followers, I can't tell you how excited I am, I want more though. I hope I don't bore you all too much and thanks for all the comments, I never reply in the comment section (I'm too lazy) but I do read them all would answer any questions in a post.
Things went down hill was vomitting every day last week, which I hate doing, it has always been a back up in emergencies, I have been relying on it too much so am trying hard to stop - 2 days clear so far.
I've also been cutting for the last three days, which makes me feel a lot better but quite frankly I am fucking ugly enough without adding even more scars to my body so I've really got to stop that too!
My exercise isn't going as well as it was last week, my knee is just killing me some days, I do still walk my 10k but not burning anywhere near the amound of calories I need/want to so may have to start going back to the gym on top of that.
I see my shrink on Friday. I still feel bad about her going into the office on her day off. I honestly don't know why I'm bothering it has never helped. My friend thinks I should try somebody new that she must be rubbish but she is supposed to be one of the best in Brisbane, I think it's more me, I don't really talk to her, I don't let her in, so really I'm just wasting her time which I feel bad about.
I'm starting to worry about Fiji! It will involve a lot of buffets and me and buffets are not friends! I go in there saying I'm not going to eat much but then ofcourse I stuff my fat face and ruin everything. I really don't want to undo the hard work I've done so far, although I do have exactly a month when we get back to lose as much as possible before the next big family event (nephew's christening).
Things went down hill was vomitting every day last week, which I hate doing, it has always been a back up in emergencies, I have been relying on it too much so am trying hard to stop - 2 days clear so far.
I've also been cutting for the last three days, which makes me feel a lot better but quite frankly I am fucking ugly enough without adding even more scars to my body so I've really got to stop that too!
My exercise isn't going as well as it was last week, my knee is just killing me some days, I do still walk my 10k but not burning anywhere near the amound of calories I need/want to so may have to start going back to the gym on top of that.
I see my shrink on Friday. I still feel bad about her going into the office on her day off. I honestly don't know why I'm bothering it has never helped. My friend thinks I should try somebody new that she must be rubbish but she is supposed to be one of the best in Brisbane, I think it's more me, I don't really talk to her, I don't let her in, so really I'm just wasting her time which I feel bad about.
I'm starting to worry about Fiji! It will involve a lot of buffets and me and buffets are not friends! I go in there saying I'm not going to eat much but then ofcourse I stuff my fat face and ruin everything. I really don't want to undo the hard work I've done so far, although I do have exactly a month when we get back to lose as much as possible before the next big family event (nephew's christening).
Monday 1 April 2013
Sore knee
Posting what I hate to prevent me from eating more worked last night so here I am again.
Breakfast: Grapes - 62
Lunch: Chicken Wrap - 128
Dinner: Pumpkin Soup - 108
Snacks: Minties (75), Cruskits (65) - 140
Total: 438 Calories
Exercise: I didn't do my swimming today so I feel like a fat pig but I did go on an extra long walk, I only did a tiny bit of running cause I've done something to my knee it hurts like hell when walking and even worse when running so most of it was a walk to try and give it a rest. I think a did around 20km not sure def more than 17km and I burnt 1137.
Net Calories: - 699
I'm a bit worried about the amount I'm going to burn tomorrow if I can't run at all. I'm still going to do my 10km at a walk hopefully that will be enough of a rest.
Things are going well, I think only cause I'm concentrating so much on what I eat and have no time for anything else. Works for me :)
Breakfast: Grapes - 62
Lunch: Chicken Wrap - 128
Dinner: Pumpkin Soup - 108
Snacks: Minties (75), Cruskits (65) - 140
Total: 438 Calories
Exercise: I didn't do my swimming today so I feel like a fat pig but I did go on an extra long walk, I only did a tiny bit of running cause I've done something to my knee it hurts like hell when walking and even worse when running so most of it was a walk to try and give it a rest. I think a did around 20km not sure def more than 17km and I burnt 1137.
Net Calories: - 699
I'm a bit worried about the amount I'm going to burn tomorrow if I can't run at all. I'm still going to do my 10km at a walk hopefully that will be enough of a rest.
Things are going well, I think only cause I'm concentrating so much on what I eat and have no time for anything else. Works for me :)
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