Watch me Shrink

I haven't done a blog in such a long time, life has been very busy, mostly fun, lots of adventures and distractions but with that came a lot of weight gain. And I really can't stand it anymore. The last straight was going out for my birthday last night and my favourite dress was tight I was mortified and nearly broke down crying but obviously had to keep it together so my friends don't think I'm completely crazy. So it starts again, my blog, my diets, my weighing, my shrinking....

I will hopefully be getting more time over the next two weeks to blog before I have to go away for a week for work. So my diet needs to be perfect for two weeks to hopefully maintain for the week I'm away and then continue losing again on return.

I am considering posting my weight as an extreme measure of just how disgusting I have got and so I can show everyone the numbers going down down down but I'm not sure if I'm brave enough cause it is the most I've been in such a long time. We will see.

Off for a run and need to take my measurement :(

Stay strong.

Offered my old job back.

My ex boss (from London) rang last night, wants me to go back. She's not happy with the new nanny, as she said it I was super excited, but now the more I think about it the more unsure I am. I don't know what to do.
I know if I stay here, things won't improve, well not for a long while, at least until my shrink talks me into starting the medication she has been trying to convince me to start for the last two sessions. But if I go I won't have my doctor incase things to get even worse than they are now. I have been the worst I have been in years, and I don't know what to do. I'm also confused about the job, my boss mentioned until December that I would come back (for a working holiday I already have booked in) but not sure if it was do that holiday and then go back to London or if it was do holiday then stay in Australia and she'll find someone else. I'm just so confused about everything, and the worst part is I sort of need to give her an answer cause if I want to do it I need to be back in London for the 12th July!!! I will talk to my shrink about it on Monday but if I decide to go that will be my last appointment with her cause then she goes on holiday on the Wednesday.

It would just be so much easier to have none of this, no options. Just easier if I wasn't here.

Blogs Disappeared!

I've just logged in, after quite a while to see that all the blogs I have been following are no longer on my list. It now just says you are not following any blogs click the add button to add to your reading list. WTF! I don't even know what half of my favourite ones were called, I didn't need to know cause they were in my list. You have no idea how annoyed I am.

Things haven't been amazing hence not writing for so long, I honestly just can't be bothered doing anything. My days involve watching numerous dvds and pretty much not leaving the couch. I'm cutting more, I'm attempting to fast, every time I break it I throw it up and start again.

I'm sick of stupid comments from my family, I get looks when I put toast in the toaster 'what are you doing? why are you breaking so badly tonight?' I feel like screaming I have not touched one calorie for 2 days and I'm going to throw this up anyway but I don't, it just means I'm doing my job and hiding it will that they don't know I haven't kept anything down for nearly a week.

I'm working tomorrow and Saturday, I don't want to, which is a worry cause I love work and am working for my favourite family. But as I said I'm just over it, over every fucking thing.

Fasting.

26 hours down. I've had 3.5 calories which was my one can of sprite zero and then just lots of water, not enough water so really need to drink more tomorrow. I don't have a set number of days I want to fast for, just go until I start feeling bad and can't do it anymore. That may be finishing tomorrow, it may be next week who knows. As long as I can get away with it.

Have GP tomorrow for my knee, after the stupid thing hurting so much for months i went running today and it didn't hurt too much at all, how annoying,  I'll still go and see what she says about it.

Off to bed sooo very tired.