Giving up laxatives!

I really need to remember why I started this blog (how many times have I said that?) I started it to keep myself honest to track my progress and to get all this shit out of my head and I need to get back to that. Things are just out of control with my eating. My goal this week is to give up laxatives, I'm using them more and have to take more and more each time to get them to work, so what I want to do is to STOP. Take them at the absolute most once a week instead of the nearly every day I've been doing for the last month. I need to do this or I am going to screw up my body, well more so than it already is.

I'm also going back to writing everything down for my daily intake. I decided about a month ago (ish) to work in net which I never did before but I quite like it.

Breakfast: nothing (0)

Lunch: nothing (0)

Dinner: nothing (0)

Snacks: nothing (0)

Exercise: 1hr on treadmill walking/running and 15 mins on bike (616)

Total: -616

Blogs Disappeared!

I've just logged in, after quite a while to see that all the blogs I have been following are no longer on my list. It now just says you are not following any blogs click the add button to add to your reading list. WTF! I don't even know what half of my favourite ones were called, I didn't need to know cause they were in my list. You have no idea how annoyed I am.

Things haven't been amazing hence not writing for so long, I honestly just can't be bothered doing anything. My days involve watching numerous dvds and pretty much not leaving the couch. I'm cutting more, I'm attempting to fast, every time I break it I throw it up and start again.

I'm sick of stupid comments from my family, I get looks when I put toast in the toaster 'what are you doing? why are you breaking so badly tonight?' I feel like screaming I have not touched one calorie for 2 days and I'm going to throw this up anyway but I don't, it just means I'm doing my job and hiding it will that they don't know I haven't kept anything down for nearly a week.

I'm working tomorrow and Saturday, I don't want to, which is a worry cause I love work and am working for my favourite family. But as I said I'm just over it, over every fucking thing.

Fasting.

26 hours down. I've had 3.5 calories which was my one can of sprite zero and then just lots of water, not enough water so really need to drink more tomorrow. I don't have a set number of days I want to fast for, just go until I start feeling bad and can't do it anymore. That may be finishing tomorrow, it may be next week who knows. As long as I can get away with it.

Have GP tomorrow for my knee, after the stupid thing hurting so much for months i went running today and it didn't hurt too much at all, how annoying,  I'll still go and see what she says about it.

Off to bed sooo very tired.

Instagram.

Last night I  made a new account on instagram for my ana self and just stuff that I can't post on my regular account so if you want to follow me I'm life_with_anorexia_take2 I don't have many photos up there yet but will get more things going up soon.

Today was not amazing I did a 17km walk with only a tiny bit of running, I was going so slow by the end cause my legs and knee were just so sore, I just wanted to lay down and die, had to make it back to the car though. I only burnt 1081 with the slow pace I had to keep up but it's better than nothing. Sort of ruined it with food tonight as well and had some of the kids nachos, just picked at theirs not my own serve but was something that wasn't planned which is annoying. Daily intake was net -660 ate 421 BLAH!

After just over two weeks of not cutting, wanting to but resisting, I cut this morning, I was just so frustrated with everything.

Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Scales going down :)

Scales are going down, I'm greatful, but it's not making me happy, nothing is making me happy. All I want to do is just stay in bed all day. I've got nothing in my life, nothing.

My knee is still hurting a lot I could only run for 1 minute yesterday before I just couldn't run on it at all so had to walk the 10km instead which is very annoying. I was supposed to go to GP about it today but she's sick so am going on Monday. Hopefully she'll be abl to sort things out cause if I can't run how am I going to get rid of all this fat?