Bad Day

Yesterday was a bad day calorie wise. A VERY bad day. Even though I planned it, even though I said a week ago on Saturday I can eat whatever I still feel like absolute shit today. I can't believe I ate as much as I did, I'm mortified and disgusted. I just want to cut away all my fat. I truly hate it!

All I think of is I've gained weight, that I'm going to be up on my next Wednesday weigh in. I haven't weighed, I can't face it. But I know I will still be up on Wednesday. I always do this, I lose a little bit then I gain it back so when I lose again it doesn't even fucking count I'm just loosing weight that I've put on. I think if I'm good today, Monday and Tuesday all I can really hope for is staying the same, but even that is a big ask.

I can't handle this shit, being this fat and awful. Everything I put in my mouth is just making me fatter and fatter and fatter.

I shall be updating my blog as much as possible and telling you what I'm doing to keep me on track, I think this Wednesday is lost to me but if I am good from now until the weigh in after next I should lose a decent amount, Olympics are over and I'm sure I can talk people out of any plans they want to arrange (nothing booked in yet).

It's midday. I had some Snack a Jacks for breakfast for 92 calories. Until weigh in after next I am going to try my hardest to have 500 (or under) every day, which I am generally good at it is just when I have to go out and socialize that things start getting hard. Also going to try and go to the gym 5 times a week. 4 times next week cause I have to work late on Tuesday night.

I can do this.

I can be thin!