Doing ok...

Haven't been writing regularly which is terrible!

I have been doing fairly well since my weigh in on Thursday for weight watchers. Knowing that someone is going to weigh me in is really helping me this week. Also the fact that I felt sick Thursday and Friday worked well for me. I'm allowed to have 27 points each day but have stayed well below that until today when I hit 27.
Wondering what is going to happen at weigh in on Thursday bit annoyed cause I didn't realise you aren't sposed to take your shoes off (which I did) so this week I won't weigh too much less cause I have to add shoes :(

Weight Watchers.

Eeeek I've got my first weigh in and meeting at weight watchers tomorrow. I know it's going to bad, REALLY bad but I'm prepared for it, so hopefully I won't freak myself out too much. I'm also going down to join the gym tomorrow as well, it is time to get my fat arse into gear. It is just getting ridiculous! 

My  goal for my first week in weight watchers is to lose 1kg to 1.5kg... I know not a huge amount but baby steps!

Can't get back on track.

I just can't keep myself on track. It's bloody terrible. I feel like such a fat crap piece of shit. I generally avoid mirrors at all costs but I'm now thinking if I make myself stand in front of the  mirror for a few minutes before my shower and actually look I will be so revolted that I may actually stick to a decent calorie intake. 

I'm going to start weight watchers. My first weigh in will be on Thursday, but will start counting points tomorrow. I really think if a complete stranger is weighing me in each week (which is mortifying in itself) then that will make we work really hard to lose something cause I don't want them to think I'm a fat cow.

Things were good until dinner time tonight. But I'm hoping my 10km walk this morning helps me which means dinner wasn't as bad as it actually could have been.

My sisters, mum and I went wedding dress shopping for L today and she found something (ofcourse looked absolutely stunning in it as well!) I had to try on a few bridesmaid dresses as K couldn't do it being ready to pop and everything. I looked awful! Don't get me wrong I loved the dress... on the hanger. But I can't be a fat bridesmaid I just can't!

Fingers crossed I have a decent day with food tomorrow!

724 calories

Not a complete disaster. Better then the day before but still ALOT of room for improvement!  I haven't done any exercise since being home ANY which is making me feel like a fat fuck. I will get back into it on Monday though after all the frantic cooking and cleaning for the baby shower tomorrow. I'm going to be so thin and beautiful for Christmas!

Ruined yet again.

So I ruined yet another day. I'm sitting on approx 1100 calories, I'm hoping it's actually less than this cause I do like to over estimate if I don't know exactly how much it is. FUCK I'm close enough to fucking obese as it is without adding even more fat to my body!
Tomorrow should be a good day though as I can't go anywhere cause I've got so many jobs to do to get ready for the baby shower. Making cakes and chocolates and cleaning are the jobs for tomorrow. Hoping to be around 500-600 calories 800 at worst, so fingers crossed for that. Although knowing what a big fat fuck I am I will probably go over. I'll also try and fit in some exercise tomorrow too.

I miss London so much. I miss my friends. I'm so bored?

Ruined the day!

I was going so well until this afternoon.
Total calories for today as around 918. Fuck me, i'm sposed to be doing good. I've gained since last weeks weigh in, can't quite remember how much I was last week but I do know it's more this week.

I hate being this fat. I am just so disgusted, even just sitting here typing this with my arm resting on my stomach is revolting me wanting me to just die. I hate it. I hate it so much.

Back down under

So have been back for a few days, the first one spent mostly sleeping. After no stopping in Singapore which the flight normally does, and sitting up for 14.5 hours straight I was over it. At least before that you get to get of in Dubai cause after the first 7.5 hours you're over it and that work around the airport really helps!

Apart from a meal last night for my sisters birthday and a lunch today that I have to go out for I haven't been bad food wise since coming home. Yes I could be a hole lot better but that will come tomorrow. I will be so busy for the rest of the week making and decorating and cleaning for my sisters baby shower on Sunday  I won't have a chance to eat crap.

I hate being home. I have nothing to do, I have no one. The only good thing is my mum has stopped with the ' oh you should see you dr' or 'don't forget to eat something', 'what have you eaten today'. I assume since I have survived nearly two years overseas she thinks everything is gone, done. But the comments will start again soon enough as soon as she realizes it has never really stopped. Not in nearly 10 years, yah I got fat, but my thoughts have never changed, inside my head has never changed, not for a second.