Distraction....

I'm on him cause I am trying not to screw up too badly. I can't seem to stop eating. So far this week I have kept it under control some what by not eating all day but then lose control at night so can't do too much damage but with only 1.5 days until weigh in I am seriously freaking out. I so badly wanted to lose a decent amount this week!  It is starting to drive me a bit crazy.. haha like I wasn't crazy already.

My very annoying sister keeps asking me what I'm doing. If I'm staying in Australia or going back to London. I DON'T KNOW. I just feel like screaming at her she just keeps on and on at me, like I know what I'm doing and I'm keeping it a secret, why the fuck would I do that? I just don't know what the hell I want in life. I'm just so over everything.

Unemployment really doesn't suit me. I really don't do well being on my own with nothing to do for days and days on end. And I can't really get a job unil I decide where I want to live cause it isn't really good for the children for someone to come into their lives and then just leave again.

I wish there was someone that would just tell me what to do.

Followers?

How in the world do I get more followers? I've been sitting at 83 for so long now and it is really giving me the shits! So many of you have hundreds and hundreds.

Today went alright, sort of stuffed it up tonight though but I'm still putting it in the 'alight' day column (no I don't actually have columns just in my head :/ )
I was at the gym for about 4 hrs today, not exercising the entire time haha I wish, I'm not that good! I walked/ran 10kms then did some weights and stuff and did a boxing class, god I felt amazing. Especially after my run! For days I've been running for 10 - 15 minutes then giving up and getting lazy but I actually finished the 30 minutes I wanted to do straight running then just walked really fast for the rest of the time. I also worked really hard in boxing this week, not like last week where every time the instructor turned around I stopped putting effort in. I then did a few rounds of the sauna, steam room and cold room. I could live in the cold room, LOVE it!

The day was going perfectly until I got home from the gym went at the perfect time so had excuse to miss lunch, and dinner but then when I got home I started snacking. AHHHHHHH! So today I'm sitting on about 600 calories but I burnt off well over 1100 at the gym so I'm comforting myself with that thought hoping I can be stronger tomorrow.

Can do better

So today didn't go as well as I had hoped for. I was suppose to go to the gym twice but my sister pulled out of boxing tonight and I didn't want to go by myself so I only did 1 hour at the gym and if I knew I was only going to go the once I would have worked A LOT harder.

Calories I don't know exactly how many I've had I assume around 500. I didn't want to eat anywhere near that much but I guess it's a start.

I'm really worried about this weeks weigh in! I've got to lose 2kg by Thursday morning just to stay the same. GRRR! I always manage to stuff it up.

Ruined it.

I was going so well, but ofcourse I had to ruin it again. I was down the lowest I had been in two years (still fat and nowhere near my lowest but still hadn't seen it for two years) I was so excited but I seem to have just seen that number and shoved everything I could see in my mouth. So I'm now 2kg up and feeling like crap. Which is sort of why I'm writing again, I thought if I came on here I would have to be good, be accountable for my actions again.

I need to get myself in line!

there are 8.5 weeks until my sisters wedding and I can't be a fat bridesmaid. I've got boxing at the gym two times this week and hopefully a few other classes then just running.

Tomorrow is going to be a good day, I promise. I will write again tomorrow to make sure I am on track.