The new GP

So saw the new GP this morning, I like her a lot, she seems lovely and very friendly. I gave her my history she seemed concerned that things were coming back I tried to explain that my thoughts/thinking never actually changed but she still seemed concerned. Was weighed and not allowed to look god that hasn't happened in so long!
I got my referral this is what she wrote:

Thank you for seeing ..... , age 25 years, for your opinion and management. On her return from the UK she has had an exacerbation of her eating disorder symptoms, and her mood is becoming lower. She has had thoughts of cutting, and has started purging again. I have started her back on her Pristiq while waiting to see you. Her obs are stable at present and she has no suicidal thoughts.

geez!

So yah sposed to start back on medication, not sure if I will though. I mean seriously I was on medication for years and as I said my thoughts never changed, sure I could function go to work etc but i still had them they just didn't completely take over my life anymore.
She wants me to go back again next week to discuss blood results, I told her I thought they would be normal (which they will be) cause I've been eating like a fat fucking pig for so long they would have to be.

In other news I had a decent day with calories. 226 total probably actually a bit less cause I rounded a few things up. Didn't go to the gym just couldn't be bothered today but did walk around the shopping centre for about 4 hours carrying a baby.

Definitely ABCing it!

I decided this afternoon, when feeling like the most obese person in the world while shopping, that I am going to start the ABC diet on Sunday. I don't know quite how it's going to go I will at the very least go until day 10 at which point I need to go to Norway for work. So I can try and keep doing it while away or just try and eat very little amounts and start again when I get home.

I've counted forward and the day we fly will be a fast day :/ which normally I could get away with, no one every being the wiser, but since I will be with my boss from morning until night she is obviously going to notice. I thought I could say I feel a bit sick, just not right to eat which could possibly get me past the fast day and if she notices me eating low the next day I could say I'm just building back up slowly don't want to risk being sick blah, blah, blah. But that would only work once, and she would start asking a lot of questions when the next fast day came around. I can get away with quite a lot cause she knows I'm such a fussy eater but she will notice if I just don't eat.

So haven't quite decided on the how yet, but it is definitely happening! I need something drastic to get my body out of this obese state it is in.

Strained neck.

Do you think you can strain your neck while vomiting? Cause I may have just done so. Cause it bloody hurts. I guess it serves me right for me such a fat, disgusting pig.

I was going fairly well up until after work when I went to this group, sort of women's group, what is the name of that movie where the women's group does a naked calender for fundraising? Anyway like that. My flatmate wanted me to go along so did and they served cake! Fuck me! It wasn't even worth breaking for, it was lemon, which isn't disgusting but soo not something I was choose to break my diet over. AND then flatmate asks did I have dinner! Thinking I was completely safe as this meeting didn't finish till 9:30 and we both have to work early in the morning I said I hadn't so then went for fish and chips... which is the long tale of why I actually strained my neck throwing up. I know I wouldn't have got it ALL cause I was trying to be quiet and quick, a disaster combination for a bulimic who's only aim is to bring all the food back up but alas I did not and now have an injury to boot. Fingers crossed that I got most of it up though.

And what's even worse? Is I did all of this the night before  I weigh in. I'm totally screwed! Even if I had lost some I would have put it all back on.

A new week.

A new week and a bad start, I had a sneaky weigh this morning at work and have gained :( I know I was bad over the weekend but thought the really low calories 5 days prior would help even that out. I'm not too stressed, well I am but trying not to be, as it was on different scales so fingers crossed they are wrong.

Today's intake was approx 311. I really need to stop taking bites of M's food cause that is what is making my intake go so high.

The last few weeks I have been helping my boss put together a lot of figures on what she spends each month and through out the year to give to the lawyers (possible divorce looming) but anyway tonight I finally finished it, god it's depressing that I have to work for over 7 years to earn what she SPENDS in 1 year, 7 years!

I wish I had money, money and thinness then I would be happy. Actually I think I would just settle for thin.

Wouldn't we all. lol.