Moving back to London

It is official I'm going back to London until early December. My shrink thought it was a very good idea, well she wanted me back in September to do some 'intensive therapy' but December isn't that much longer.

I'm so worried. I'm worried that without supervision my weight will drop very fast, which I would love! I'm also scared it will go the opposite way, I gained so much when I was in London before and I'm very anxious about this happening again. I'm anxious about everything, life in general, which I've never really had and I just can't seem to shake it.

I'm going to miss my nephew so much! He's 7 months old and this next 6 months is going to be massive in his development and I'm going to miss it all! I'm also going to come back and he will have no idea who I am.
I'm going to miss 'my children' the 5 I used to nanny for and are like my other family.

I don't want to go, but I do want to go. I just don't know what I want from my life, I don't think it will ever amount to anything.

Home

Home from Fiji. The trip was alright, I ate too much, put on A LOT of weight but now I'm home and getting rid of it again. Lost 1.2kg in the 2 days I've been home so all I need to do is keep going. I can't be this fat forever.

I didn't exercise when we were away so that was like a two week break on my knee but 5 mins into my run yesterday and it was hurting again. grrr! I suppose I should get it checked out. I'm running again today, I'll just have to suck it up.

I was going to post a photo but after seeing some go up on facebook I am to mortified to do it fingers crossed the professional ones are better.

Todays Intake

So I'm still going along on the ABC diet. I've been reading a lot about it and other people who have done it and all seem to have their own versions, I think I'm just doing the standard one. All seem to be on the same change about being able to change the days around a bit though which is what I did today. So instead of a 200 cal day today I had my 300 day one and will do the 200 one tomorrow. Ended today on 253. I'm not holding high hopes on a loss overnight cause I had to work I didn't get to do my 10k walk which I think is going to have a big impact on my loss (or lack there of) I was on my feet all day though so hopefully it won't be too bad.
The last time I attempted this diet this is the last day I have marked off so obviously ruined it on the 7th day so don't want to do that this time so if I make it through tomorrow it will be good, am actually hoping to make it a lot longer than that though!

GAH weigh in tomorrow AND the next day :/

Gained.

So as I thought I RUINED the entire week for this weigh in I gained a disgusting 1.4kg. I knew it was going to happen, just hoped that it wouldn't be so much.
I did want to start the ABC diet today but ofcourse my fat self ruined it already. I was on track until about 7pm tonight when I hate a few hundred calories more than I should. So I'm between 500 and 1000 which is just way to high. Will try again tomorrow. I know I can do this, it is all just a matter of getting past that first day.
I did an hour of cardio at the gym today. Also getting a bit of exercise digging a hole in the backyard. My beautiful puppy (not quite a puppy 10 years old) has cancer and isn't well at all so the Vet has said we should put her to sleep. It is happening Monday. I hate it, but don't want her in pain.

I've got a drs appointment tomorrow, just the GP. I've apparently got eczma (spelling?) in my ears so they get super annoyingly itchy and have found myself a new GP to try and get this shit sorted out. Thought I would also get a referral to my shrink, I haven't been in that long that I need one. I just hate going through the hole medical history bit with new drs does my head in. I need to get a letter that I am healthy to work (just a standard thing that nanny agencies like to have) so can't really walk in there and give her my life story and say yah I think I'm going crazy so refer me to my shrink please oh and by the way I need a letter to say I can look after children :/

Prada, Prada, Prada.

So my boss took me to Harrods today to buy my leaving present. I got a prada dress, blue that I'm inlove with. A yellow prada handbag, and then blue shoes to go with!
I tried on so much stuff. There were so many things I hated, well not hated the dress hated them on me. I just wanted to break down and cry but I'm just like 'you're with your boss you have to keep it together' I was quite proud I managed to.
I just want to lose some weight and I'm sure it will look even better.

Finally good day.

So restarted the ABC diet today, after my massive failure yesterday :/ and went really well. So was my 500 calorie day and had 454, plus I walked to work so really my net (which I don't count in AT ALL) is 104 so not too shabby at all. Didn't quite make it the entire way to work, only 1.5 hrs, I must have been walking slower than usual cause I only had 30 mins left for a 35 - 40 minute walk so hopped a bus most of the way then walked again at the end which got me there on time.

Two of the children we went for play dates last week have come out in chicken pox... is it bad that I am hoping M gets it so we don't have to fly? lol.

Today's success has really put me in a good mind for tomorrow. Just need to do the same cause it's a 500 day again.

Not looking forward to weigh in on Wednesday morning, I know I've gained I've been awful this week.

Cupcakes will be the death of me.

Flatmate didn't take cupcakes to work and I have just eaten one! GRRRR! I did throw it up but you never get EVERYTHING back up. I'm so annoyed with myself. I was going so well today until I started feeding M his dinner. I was sitting on about 230 cals and then I started having bites of M's dinner and a few bites of his corn etc etc it is amazing how quick little bites add up, no wonder people get fat when they are eating their normal meals and then they have just one or two bites of something here and there and think it doesn't count but when you actually count the calories there are so many in each bite of everything extra.
I do think I'm safe and sound still under 600 calories for the day though. :)

I think I have pretty much decided on moving home. Just need to think about when to hand in my notice.