463 calories

I have disappointed myself yet again, surprise, surprise. It is no wonder I am such a fat, ugly disgusting pig. I woke up today feeling much better than yesterday with intentions of sticking in the 200s but noooo big fat me was just too greedy and went to a total of 463 calories. I just couldn't stop eating! I am never going to get thin at this rate.

I'm breaking tomorrow, which I had planned all week but as it looms closer I am feeling worse and worse about it and if I could pull out I would. But with the goal of my flat mate and few friends I have here not thinking I am completely weird (more so than I'm sure they already do) I have to go along.

It comforts me very little knowing that for the past 5 days I have eaten the amount of calories a 'normal, healthy' women would eat in a day. Very little cause I could be eating so much less.

I'm starting to worry about the next trip Norway. We will be on their island where I will have absolutely no excuses I can't say I ate cause they will know I haven't. And we'll be there for 3 weeks, I'm absolutely dreading it. Not just the food. But these people think it will be great fun and so relaxing. Yah for them! They aren't the ones that look after their child that would be ME! I'm the one that will have no classes to take him to and nowhere to go, we can't even go for walk cause most of it is too rocky and steep for him. I'm the one that will have to watch him 24/7 so he doesn't fall off the cliff. Wish I could just stay in London.

Caking again tomorrow... am making a 3D handbag.

Inspiration for the weekend

All I want is to be thin, why is that too much to ask? Why can't I have it?

Nearly the weekend :)

Thank goodness it is nearly the weekend! I'm over it!

I'm so disappointed in myself today I had about 463 calories, I feel like such a fat pig, it's double what I had the two days before! I woke up just feeling like crap, just sick and light headed and I felt I needed food. I had a piece of toast and orange juice instead of just my small apple then I had some cupcake, I just really felt like I needed sugar. Felt marginally better but not much so maybe I didn't need food after all.

Lost some... finally!

As the title suggests I have finally lost some! Doesn't really count as it is only weight that I put on on my holiday but at least it went down. I lost 1.4kg so that's a start.
Was surprisingly good again today total was approx 267 cals. I quite like being in the 200s it feels like a good number and definitely not where near the 600 max that was my goal for this week. So only 2 more days until I can break on Saturday and am hoping that I have enough willpower to start again on Sunday properly until the next Saturday when I have a lunch. Things might get a bit tricky after that as probably going to Norway but not sure of dates yet all very complicated.

I will be thin soon!

232 calories for today!! Excited. I haven't been this good in ages, weigh in tomorrow I don't think I will have done that well as I haven't been good ALL week  but it's a start. I've decided (don't know how well it's going to work) to not stress out when I haven't lost a lot. As long as the scales are going down that's all that matters, it's all I need. As long as they are going down I will get thin.

Told my boss today that was 95% sure I'm moving home, I think. lol. Was doing lots of research and to do a bit of travel before is bloody expensive not even a huge trip just a 20 day tour. But there is so much stuff I want to do and buy before I go home that I don't think will be possible as I will run out of money... and I refuse to spend savings unless I am absolutely desperate.

Fingers crossed that tomorrow is as good as today!

Cupcakes will be the death of me.

Flatmate didn't take cupcakes to work and I have just eaten one! GRRRR! I did throw it up but you never get EVERYTHING back up. I'm so annoyed with myself. I was going so well today until I started feeding M his dinner. I was sitting on about 230 cals and then I started having bites of M's dinner and a few bites of his corn etc etc it is amazing how quick little bites add up, no wonder people get fat when they are eating their normal meals and then they have just one or two bites of something here and there and think it doesn't count but when you actually count the calories there are so many in each bite of everything extra.
I do think I'm safe and sound still under 600 calories for the day though. :)

I think I have pretty much decided on moving home. Just need to think about when to hand in my notice.

Cakes

Not the best photo, but these are my cupcake creations before I boxed them up. Most of them died on the way home on the bus all turning over :(

I can't wait until tomorrow I am going to start tomorrow until next Saturday, when I'm going out to dinner with friends again, to have 600 calories or less. I'm not going all out and doing exercise on top I'm just going to start with the food and build on to exercise the week after. I've just gotten too fat things are out of control and they need to be fixed.

When I have I day like today, which was fun! Cake course then to dinner with friends where I actually laughed and enjoyed myself I think maybe I should stay here and not move home. An old friend asked me the other day if I missed Australia, I don't really. I said apart from immediate family I don't have anything there to miss. 

Anyway wish me luck for tomorrow. I'm going to be strong! Even sending cupcakes to work with my friend so I don't eat them!