Too FAT!!!!

WHY can't I stop eating?! Why?!
This shit is so fucked up.

I will be under 600 calories tomorrow I WILL! I just need to get one day done then I won't want to ruin it, it's the first day that is the hardest.

I'm dreading moving home. Although very crazy do actually want to see my shrink.... although I also really really don't. She won't have to ask what I've done with the nearly 18months I've been overseas she'll just think to herself 'oh yah you go fat!' so I won't be able to see her until I have lost weight. A decent amount of weight too.

Unemployment really doesn't sit well with me. I swear if I was every properly unemployed and couldn't find work I would be morbidly obese.

This is what I am about to become....

If I don't stop eating this is what I will become! I have gained another kg. I fucking hate it. My goal was to go back home thin and pretty, now I'm even fatter. I fucking hate it!
I've spent today packing up boxes to ship home, I originally thought most of my clothes would come in my suitcase but dress after dress after dress I pulled out could go into a box cause it doesn't fit me! My new goal is to fit into EVERYTHING I have shipped home by the time it reaches me in Australia. So that will be quite awhile so very doable!

No work.

So my first week that I don't have to work. I thought I would be excited. I'm not at all. 

Although at least tomorrow I will be distracted with a cake course. 

I just want to cut.

Prada, Prada, Prada.

So my boss took me to Harrods today to buy my leaving present. I got a prada dress, blue that I'm inlove with. A yellow prada handbag, and then blue shoes to go with!
I tried on so much stuff. There were so many things I hated, well not hated the dress hated them on me. I just wanted to break down and cry but I'm just like 'you're with your boss you have to keep it together' I was quite proud I managed to.
I just want to lose some weight and I'm sure it will look even better.

Weigh in....

So weigh in wasn't as bad as I was thinking it would be. I did gain 100 grams, but I thought I was going to be a minimum 1.5kg!!!
I do need to get everything sorted though!
I've been so stressed with all this packing and getting things into line. And then even more so now I got an email from my mum my uncle (who is VERY sick with cancer and has basically given up) caught the garage on fire and my aunty hears a bang at 1am and goes in and there he is in the middle with dressing gown on fire she manages to get him out and call fire brigade and police. He's now in hospital with 3rd degree burns and they can't do skingraph cause he was in such a bad way after chemo that they have nowhere to take it from.

I'm stressed about leaving work. Although the nanny replacing me who has been following me around for the week seems really lovely.

Life is crazy and hectic and I don't like it. I just need to stop eating all this crap then things will balance out.

Off with my boss to shop for my leaving present. God the last thing I want to do is go around Harrods trying on clothes. I feel like a fucking obese heffa.

Can't stop eating.

This is just getting ridiculous I just can't stop eating. I have GOT to stop.
I was going so well for awhile there now I have screwed everything up. I'm so scared to weigh in on Wednesday as I know I would have gained a lot.  I thought about skipping my morning weigh but I think I need to be faced with the disgusting facts and then maybe I will get my fat bum into gear.

Off to Bath!!!

I'm so excited we are having a girls weekend in Bath, leave tomorrow morning. Just one night wish we were going longer but impossible.

Things have been so busy I've just spent two nights at work when M's mum was away in Scotland. Tired.

I only have one week left. Everything is going too fast. I'm gaining weight. I hate it. I need to get my eating back into some sort of respectable pattern. After this weekend its on like donkey kong.

I gained on Wednesday  A LOT can't remember exact number so will have to put it in next post.

My goal is to lose every week until I go home, even if its just 100 grams or something I just have to STOP gaining.

Will try and write properly on Monday. My head is crazy at the moment.