100+ followers

Woo hoo over 100 followers, I can't tell you how excited I am, I want more though. I hope I don't bore you all too much and thanks for all the comments, I never reply in the comment section (I'm too lazy) but I do read them all would answer any questions in a post.

Things went down hill was vomitting every day last week, which I hate doing, it has always been a back up in emergencies, I have been relying on it too much so am trying hard to stop - 2 days clear so far.

I've also been cutting for the last three days, which makes me feel a lot better but quite frankly I am fucking ugly enough without adding even more scars to my body so I've really got to stop that too!

My exercise isn't going as well as it was last week, my knee is just killing me some days, I do still walk my 10k but not burning anywhere near the amound of calories I need/want to so may have to start going back to the gym on top of that.

I see my shrink on Friday. I still feel bad about her going into the office on her day off. I honestly don't know why I'm bothering it has never helped. My friend thinks I should try somebody new that she must be rubbish but she is supposed to be one of the best in Brisbane, I think it's more me, I don't really talk to her, I don't let her in, so really I'm just wasting her time which I feel bad about.

I'm starting to worry about Fiji! It will involve a lot of buffets and me and buffets are not friends! I go in there saying I'm not going to eat much but then ofcourse I stuff my fat face and ruin everything. I really don't want to undo the hard work I've done so far, although I do have exactly a month when we get back to lose as much as possible before the next big family event (nephew's christening).

What if it's true?

All you get these days from people like Dr Phil, Oprah, self help books and really shrinks in general is 'talk positive', 'be nice to yourself' and A LOT of things along those lines. But what if what you tell yourself is true? What if you really are a fat disgusting cow? What if you have no friends, no life and nothing to live for? What if you really were ugly and a complete selfish bitch?
Surely it is better to tell yourself the truth, to know that you're fat and ugly then walk around in public kidding yourself that you are half attractive!

What if things really would get better if you lost some weight and weren't so fat?

I will be thin, I promise!